mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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