11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
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