I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
