This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
