I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
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