Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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