I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
