Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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