Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
you will always have a special place in my vag
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
