If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
3 2 1 whiskey
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