If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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