I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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