I hope my margaritas pass through security.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
