Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize