That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Randomize
