just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
