i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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