Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
