I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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