Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
