help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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