trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
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