I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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