I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Randomize
