i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
