Your mouth is God's brothel.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
