i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
