Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
