So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
