I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
