I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
