New low: just hacked my moms facebook
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Randomize