I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
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