It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
