you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
