Kareoke will never be a sober sport
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
