Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
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