I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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