I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
