I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Randomize
