I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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