I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Randomize
