Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
