Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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