When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
