Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
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