i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
My feet surprised me
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
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