A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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