She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
