my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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