i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
