"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Randomize
