and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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