Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
