Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
