i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
