weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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