his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
