i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
