It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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