If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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