my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
