You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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