see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
