Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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