I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Randomize
