opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Randomize
