You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Randomize
