how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
