Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I lost the right to judge tonight
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
