What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
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