; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
