So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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