I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
