I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
